It wasn't until today that I came to see how selfish grief and mourning are. It's not about the loss of a life, it's about how that loss affects oneself and I, honestly, feel a bit guilty about it. I could go on and on, as I'm still processing the emotion, but I'll end this for now. No promises that I won't bring it up again, but it's definitely a weight on my chest right now.
I'd recommend giving yourself a break. Humans are goofy and diverse, they deal with things in different and often strange ways, and if you're built to be a thinker then you shouldn't feel bad for it. I've followed a pattern like you describe during events from my own life, with hindsight it's easier to see that everyone has their own way and that's alright. Good luck.