Weights Off My Chest

QMJS

Alamo Rookie
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
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1,966
Location
Eastern USA
#25
I guess this is the best thread to put this.

I've recognised some issues I'm having and avoiding any melodrama; I need to leave.
I wish all of you the best and will hopefully see you down the line.
You guys & girls are among the best the internet has to offer.

Take a break, and hopefully we'll see you again soon.
 
Joined
Mar 15, 2018
Likes
519
Location
Dorset, UK
#26
I guess this is the best thread to put this.

I've recognised some issues I'm having and avoiding any melodrama; I need to leave.
I wish all of you the best and will hopefully see you down the line.
You guys & girls are among the best the internet has to offer.

Hoping you get whatever issues you are having sorted successfully
 

Fabian907

Alamo Analytic
Joined
Jan 29, 2018
Likes
3,883
Location
Minnesota, USA
#27
It's real tough finding a "Loyal" girlfriend, not saying all girls are disloyal, there are some with some weird standards, some are expecting a certain height or some set of rules in which I don't expect from my friends at all. it's just weird and unfriendly to punish your companion for being with you, I don't care if my girlfriend is friends with a guy, if she doesn't want to be with me, so be it, be up front about it.

My first relationship was at 8 years old, it somehow became a thing, I don't know how, she liked me, I liked her, we didn't do anything too serious so there's that.

I haven't been in a relationship, EVER(Besides that small relationship I had), I could care less if I died a virgin, I don't do harm towards other because I am easily guilted, I feel sympathy for others when they fall victim.

Now, for the future, I don't want my partner to feel like they're trapped behind my presence as I just want the best for them. It's nice to be with another person, just haven't been there yet.

I think I may be ready for a relationship but don't know how it will turn out for the other side.

"Loving you was complicated", "Loving me was complicated."
 

Christmas

Alamo Rookie
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Likes
1,453
#28
It's real tough finding a "Loyal" girlfriend, not saying all girls are disloyal, there are some with some weird standards, some are expecting a certain height or some set of rules in which I don't expect from my friends at all. it's just weird and unfriendly to punish your companion for being with you, I don't care if my girlfriend is friends with a guy, if she doesn't want to be with me, so be it, be up front about it.

My first relationship was at 8 years old, it somehow became a thing, I don't know how, she liked me, I liked her, we didn't do anything too serious so there's that.

I haven't been in a relationship, EVER(Besides that small relationship I had), I could care less if I died a virgin, I don't do harm towards other because I am easily guilted, I feel sympathy for others when they fall victim.

Now, for the future, I don't want my partner to feel like they're trapped behind my presence as I just want the best for them. It's nice to be with another person, just haven't been there yet.

I think I may be ready for a relationship but don't know how it will turn out for the other side.

"Loving you was complicated", "Loving me was complicated."
My advice to you is if you really want a relationship, stop looking for one.

Go out and enjoy your life, doing the things you like. There will be girls there and you'll just happen across someone with shared interests.

Or join Tinder. But actively hunting for a relationship is awful for your self confidence and mental health. Have fun.

(I'm doing the latter and let me tell you it sucks, don't follow my path.)
 

SomeRandomGuy

Alamo Rookie
Joined
Jan 10, 2018
Likes
1,257
#29
My advice to you is if you really want a relationship, stop looking for one.

Go out and enjoy your life, doing the things you like. There will be girls there and you'll just happen across someone with shared interests.

Or join Tinder. But actively hunting for a relationship is awful for your self confidence and mental health. Have fun.

(I'm doing the latter and let me tell you it sucks, don't follow my path.)
Yup. Actively looking is most likely to get you cheap flings, one night stands, gold diggers, and "ball and chain" types. I see it happen all the time.

And yet people still wonder why I stay single.
 

YojimBeau

Alamo Leader
Staff member
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Likes
2,721
#33
My mother is on her third bout with cancer, she was hospitalized last week due to complications and that's when she told me that she's stage 4. She called me was I was leaving work today and told me that they're moving her to hospice. For those that don't know, hospice is where you go while you wait to die. They're job is to "make you as comfortable as possible during your final days".

After the call, I was sitting behind the post office, smoking a cigarette and coming to terms with the news. I found that my thoughts weren't about her, but the realization that when she is gone, I will be alone on this planet. She's the only person with whom I have a personal relationship. No friends (RL, I have all of you and other internet friends, but nobody that I call friend and see or talk with) and no other family that I interact with. It occurred to me that when my job asks to update my emergency contact next year, I won't have anyone to list.

It wasn't until today that I came to see how selfish grief and mourning are. It's not about the loss of a life, it's about how that loss affects oneself and I, honestly, feel a bit guilty about it. I could go on and on, as I'm still processing the emotion, but I'll end this for now. No promises that I won't bring it up again, but it's definitely a weight on my chest right now.
 
Joined
Feb 7, 2018
Likes
362
#34
it's definitely a weight on my chest right now.
Oh dear, that is some terrible news. I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. I can't imagine how this feels.

I'm not really good at this, but if you ever need somebody to talk to, to bounce ideas off of or just shoot the shit, I'm here. I won't be any emergency contact but you should not have to feel alone in this feel of grief. You don't deserve that.
 

Fabian907

Alamo Analytic
Joined
Jan 29, 2018
Likes
3,883
Location
Minnesota, USA
#35
Fuck Cancer and any Diseases that consume our loved ones.

I know you have us as "Friends" we are always around, I know I may be young, but I never fuck around with deaths and loved ones, you cannot judge a person without knowing them.

You are well respected among us, I'd hate to see you go, but if you need time to think about things, go ahead. We will always be here(Said twice) and we will support you in any way that we possibly can.

@YojimBeau You are strong, you always have been. May your mother rest in the very thoughtful heart of yours. You're not selfish, you're heartbroken to see the one you love the most go.

I truly don't know what else to say besides that I feel for you, always. I wish I can say sorry, but I know it won't help. I will say that you are the son a mother could ask for, she will admire on how you loved her as she did the same.

May your loving mother Rest in Peace.

P.S. I suck at sympathy response, I don't want to say something wrong.
 

SwissArmyKnife

Alamo Radioman
Staff member
Joined
Jan 8, 2018
Likes
3,553
#36
It wasn't until today that I came to see how selfish grief and mourning are. It's not about the loss of a life, it's about how that loss affects oneself and I, honestly, feel a bit guilty about it. I could go on and on, as I'm still processing the emotion, but I'll end this for now. No promises that I won't bring it up again, but it's definitely a weight on my chest right now.
This is the one thing I really appreciate about my family's culture around death. We celebrate the life of the person after the funeral service by gathering, eating good food and playing upbeat music. From the outside, it probably looks very heartless to be celebrating a death, but we aren't celebrating their death, we're celebrating their life and trying to be happy because that's what we believe they would want.

Once it ends, we all process the grief and mourn in our own ways...but for that brief hour or two after the funeral services, we put on a mask of happiness and pride and can celebrate guilt-free.


As for your emergency contact, you're free to list me. I know it would take a flight out to get there and my money situation isn't well yet, but I'm not adverse to asking for money when it concerns taking care of the people close to me.
 

odf14

Alamo Rookie
Joined
Jan 31, 2018
Likes
1,544
Location
Great Democratic People's Republic of Illinois
#37
My current relationship with my wife has been tearing me up for the last few weeks.

We've been separated since 2015 when she left the kids (my stepson and our daughter) and I and moved in with the guy she was having an affair with. Subsequently she left him whilst pregnant to move into a refuge, was placed in a child services placement after the birth then moved back in with me after Child Services ended the placement with her having no where to live.

We tried to make things work but I was an emotional mess inside and bottling things up way too much. She found a flat and we were splitting our time between the two places.

Things came to a head last year, when she told me about another affair and at least two one-night stands she had had, sending me further down the emotional plug hole. Before summer she had emergency surgery on a prolapsed disk.

I snapped, very possibly with a breakdown as I couldn't cope with everything. Told my stepson he had to go and live with her, her that I couldn't support her in the same way as I had been. Things continued getting worse until December when I told her that everything is effectively over as far as I am concerned. She was pleading with me to give her reassurances that I wouldn't see anyone else and that we could work things out etc etc, but the emotional and mental pain, confusion and cloud I was under I couldn't (or wouldn't) do so.

Fast forward to June this year and we've been talking about trying again, we started to date and spend more time together, although she is also on dating sites and talking to other people.

An unexpected house move for me in July, from where we had lived as a couple for 10 years, caused a lot of stress on all sides but has lifted such a huge weight from me that I never realised I was burdened with...almost like the walls of the property had soaked up all the negative energy and I was now free of it.

So now I'm really wanting to make things work between us because I'm feeling massively more positive about, well, everything. However she has gone the other way now, and is telling me she doesn't know what she wants, how much I hurt her with my actions last year, that maybe she would be best just movong on.

I'm utterly confused by it, and the anxiety is messing up my head again.
So, wait, she was the one who committed the infidelities, and she's trying to turn it on you by saying you hurt her emotionally in the aftermath? Run for your life, man. That's not going to end well.
 

SomeRandomGuy

Alamo Rookie
Joined
Jan 10, 2018
Likes
1,257
#38
My current relationship with my wife has been tearing me up for the last few weeks.

We've been separated since 2015 when she left the kids (my stepson and our daughter) and I and moved in with the guy she was having an affair with. Subsequently she left him whilst pregnant to move into a refuge, was placed in a child services placement after the birth then moved back in with me after Child Services ended the placement with her having no where to live.

We tried to make things work but I was an emotional mess inside and bottling things up way too much. She found a flat and we were splitting our time between the two places.

Things came to a head last year, when she told me about another affair and at least two one-night stands she had had, sending me further down the emotional plug hole. Before summer she had emergency surgery on a prolapsed disk.

I snapped, very possibly with a breakdown as I couldn't cope with everything. Told my stepson he had to go and live with her, her that I couldn't support her in the same way as I had been. Things continued getting worse until December when I told her that everything is effectively over as far as I am concerned. She was pleading with me to give her reassurances that I wouldn't see anyone else and that we could work things out etc etc, but the emotional and mental pain, confusion and cloud I was under I couldn't (or wouldn't) do so.

Fast forward to June this year and we've been talking about trying again, we started to date and spend more time together, although she is also on dating sites and talking to other people.

An unexpected house move for me in July, from where we had lived as a couple for 10 years, caused a lot of stress on all sides but has lifted such a huge weight from me that I never realised I was burdened with...almost like the walls of the property had soaked up all the negative energy and I was now free of it.

So now I'm really wanting to make things work between us because I'm feeling massively more positive about, well, everything. However she has gone the other way now, and is telling me she doesn't know what she wants, how much I hurt her with my actions last year, that maybe she would be best just movong on.

I'm utterly confused by it, and the anxiety is messing up my head again.
Wow, unholy shit, how did I miss this? While I don't have any experience with this sort of thing, I know a few people who do and this is what I've gathered from watching those emotional train wrecks of tanker cars filled with toxic chemicals.

Don't. Just don't. That situation is poison, so just let it go and move on. Obviously nobody can say for 100% sure but everything I know says "once a cheat, always a cheat." If she left her own children behind without a second thought to shack up with some dude she was seeing behind your back, that makes it so, so much worse, so why would you want to do that to yourself again? She wants to move on? I'd call that a blessing, and if it was me I'd not only let her go, I'd file for sole custody of the children then cut off all contact with her afterward.
 
Joined
Mar 15, 2018
Likes
519
Location
Dorset, UK
#39
My mother is on her third bout with cancer, she was hospitalized last week due to complications and that's when she told me that she's stage 4. She called me was I was leaving work today and told me that they're moving her to hospice. For those that don't know, hospice is where you go while you wait to die. They're job is to "make you as comfortable as possible during your final days".

After the call, I was sitting behind the post office, smoking a cigarette and coming to terms with the news. I found that my thoughts weren't about her, but the realization that when she is gone, I will be alone on this planet. She's the only person with whom I have a personal relationship. No friends (RL, I have all of you and other internet friends, but nobody that I call friend and see or talk with) and no other family that I interact with. It occurred to me that when my job asks to update my emergency contact next year, I won't have anyone to list.

It wasn't until today that I came to see how selfish grief and mourning are. It's not about the loss of a life, it's about how that loss affects oneself and I, honestly, feel a bit guilty about it. I could go on and on, as I'm still processing the emotion, but I'll end this for now. No promises that I won't bring it up again, but it's definitely a weight on my chest right now.
I'm really sorry to hear this, the loss of a loved one is always the hardest to bear.

I'd like to repeat everyone else; if you need an ear at all, say when others are unavailable due to time zones I would be happy to listen.

Grief and mourning are inherently selfish thiugh this does not mean that it is a bad thing. You should not feel guilty for these feelings, as they are part of the process of dealing with and interpreting what is/has happened.
 

SomeRandomGuy

Alamo Rookie
Joined
Jan 10, 2018
Likes
1,257
#40
My mother is on her third bout with cancer, she was hospitalized last week due to complications and that's when she told me that she's stage 4. She called me was I was leaving work today and told me that they're moving her to hospice. For those that don't know, hospice is where you go while you wait to die. They're job is to "make you as comfortable as possible during your final days".

After the call, I was sitting behind the post office, smoking a cigarette and coming to terms with the news. I found that my thoughts weren't about her, but the realization that when she is gone, I will be alone on this planet. She's the only person with whom I have a personal relationship. No friends (RL, I have all of you and other internet friends, but nobody that I call friend and see or talk with) and no other family that I interact with. It occurred to me that when my job asks to update my emergency contact next year, I won't have anyone to list.

It wasn't until today that I came to see how selfish grief and mourning are. It's not about the loss of a life, it's about how that loss affects oneself and I, honestly, feel a bit guilty about it. I could go on and on, as I'm still processing the emotion, but I'll end this for now. No promises that I won't bring it up again, but it's definitely a weight on my chest right now.
That kind of grief is not selfish at all even if it may seem like it at the time. What will you be left with when she's gone? Since you are her next of kin probably funeral costs and any hospital fees that her insurance decides not to cover.
 
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